I’m thinking about queer ancestors….
In Irish lore, this is a “quare” time of year – where the life-death binary is queered. You can feel the mystery, and accumulated energy. Ancestors reach through the veil, to whisper and touch.
Lean in. The veil is thin. All of life and death are kin.
I want to know, about your queer ancestors. Not the biological ancestors, who gave you flesh, but the ancestors of your queer spirit. Who made a place, for the uniqueness of you?
I have many mischievous, marvellous queer ancestors. And there is one particular queer ancestor with me now. As I write, I see his eyes. I feel his touch on my skin.
Sequoia Thom was a beloved friend and mentor. I would not be me, without Sequoia’s life – his work, as a leading teacher in the world of sacred intimacy, his strong, loving presence in the world, and his partnership with Daka Ziji, who is so precious to me. And now, I’m feeling so guided by Sequoia’s death – and the way he navigated his “return to the beloved.”
After receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis 18 months ago, Sequoia went about dying in a characteristically inspiring, empowered way. He finished a memoir of his life: Divining Desire. He wrote a regular blog about his living and dying, travelled, and said goodbye to friends. At the very end of his life, he came to Salt Spring, where I got to share precious time with Sequoia and Ziji, just as they were becoming more actively focused on dying.
Sharing ceremonial space with these cross-generational lovers felt deeply sacred. A lineage of queer love became palpable, across generations and through time. It affirmed my own cross-generational lovership with Mearnie Summers. We were partnered for 31 years before she died in 2017, and we remain partnered… It affirmed my passionate, compassionate love affair with every young queer one in this wide world, and my chosen family.
September 28, 2024, Sequoia received medical assistance in dying, held in Ziji’s arms, in yab yum, gazing into Ziji’s eyes – with their community all around. Such a beautiful life and enviable death…. I want that too! Sequoia showed me what love is. In his memoir, he quoted from our shared queer ancestor, Mary Oliver: “When it’s over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.”